a baby is born

These last six weeks I have been delivering babies and concentrating all my energy on the health of women. I must admit that delivering a baby is an act that truly puts me in awe. Surprisingly enough, me (of all people) is actually considering becoming an Ob/Gyn now! Who would have thought! The same girl that dreaded doing pelvic and rectal exams and looking at genitals all day is now considering making this her livelihood. Ah, how ironic life can be sometimes.

in surgery right now

I'm doing Tumor/Endocrine surgery right now and while I enjoy it for being a fairly relaxed rotation, I find myself more frustrated with the people than anything else. Is it just me or are female surgeons (generally speaking) meaner than male surgeons? I find myself getting caught between thinking that a female surgeon will be more compassionate and realizing that this is very untrue. I think the problem is that in the past, surgery has been said to be a man's world and so women, in an effort to adapt to being in a man's world, emasculate themselves and strip themselves of their femininity or softness so as to fit in better. This is truly tragic and pisses me off. We should not change the good aspects of our selves, the peaceful, gentler aspects of ourselves simply to fit in better in an unruly ruthless world. We should be maintain confidence in our abilities to be calm soft strong human beings in the presence of mean unkind men or women.

To all you female surgeons out there who are mean because you think you will fit in better in a surgeon's world, I pity you. I pity you because your life is a tragedy. Tragic in the sense that you had to change who you were to fit in better in a world that could not accept you for who you were, which was probably not something terrible to begin with.

My friends, never change who you are for your career. It is the one regret that you will not be able to live with forever.

An update on the food situation.

So I switched from cheesy foods to soy meats, and let me tell you, NO improvement whatsoever. I think I may have actually grown even more in size. The culprit? Lack of exercise. The only damn problem is finding the time and energy to go running, it absolutely is grueling. Either I'm dirt tired or want to sleep instead of go for a run, then I wake up and after studying for a few hours am extremely hungry and stuff my face in whatever is in my fridge. Even though I'm vegetarian, this USMLE things has had no mercy on petite small frame girls with huge appetites and high energy. I am getting conquered and it needs to change before I blow up into a small hippo. The solution? Bally's Total Fitness tomorrow right after class. No exceptions, no questions. No more love handles. I hope.

I am giving up food.

I'm studying for the USMLE right now (and have been for the past month now) and I realized that this test has taken a steep toll on my body. I have grown huge. And it makes me sick and angry right now, because I am too tired to run or even get enough sleep for my self. That is why I will be giving up real food from now on. Tonight I had some stupid cheesy pasta dish, but that will be it. No more cheesy crap, no more unhealthy quick meals, no more substitutes for my health. I'd rather not eat than eat poorly. Salads, yes. Tofu meats, yes. Cheese, no.

I can do this.

Oh dear, I'm going to regret this.

No, I can do this.

I can do this.

I can.

I am angry.

Bobby Jindal makes me angry and frustrated with Indian Republicans. How can someone so smart and so well educated really believe that the government is not needed to help its own citizens? How can someone who has taken 3.7 million government dollars for his state go out and say that we really don't need government bailout help with our problems? This person's parents failed greatly in teaching him that in helping others, we help not just ourself but everyone around us. That we must take steps towards including everyone, not excluding. Not to mention that he is 100% against abortion, even when a woman has been raped or been a victim of incest.
He totally gives me the creeps and makes me feel like he's an evil genius who is trying to take over the U.S. and eventually the world with his smart appearance and greedy underlying beliefs. Dear God, if I have one prayer tonight, I pray that Bobby Jindal does not in anyway come even close to running or winning a 2012 presidential election against Barack Obama, whom I love. Please hear me.

omg omg WOW

So I just got done with my meeting with Shirley MacLaine and the Dean and I'm in a little bit of awe right now. To think that USC will actually begin production, brainstorming, planning, consideration, whatever for the USC Center of Integrative Medicine is huge, incredible in fact. I can't believe that this might actually happy - that I was sitting and explaining to the Dean how Integrative Medicine could function tangibly at USC. I think everyone was pretty surprised by how well the meeting went. I am just in a little bit of shock at how crazy in my element I felt today, it was as if I had been planning this meeting inside my mind for a very very long time and as if I was doing dream-play-back as to how everything would go in my head. Talk about exciting!! There is now so much work to do, I have to cancel my trip to out of town and get busy researching what is the best way to plan a Center of Integrative Medicine at USC!!

Ps- Shirley MacLaine was so super nice, btw, for those of you who were wondering. She hugged me at the end and asked me how old I was. I said, after hesitating, that I was 22. She smiled and said, "Ah! I remember those days!". She was so sweet! I'll be meeting with her in two weeks again to come together with more ideas of the Center.

The Well

Here is a brief brainstorm idea I have for the Well at USC. Jim Burklo, Associate Dean of Religious Services and I have been working hard to create a good idea for promoting WELLness at Keck.

THE WELL at the USC Health Sciences Campus

Once a week, at noon in the HSC quad, a big tent unfolds - open on all sides for anyone on campus to visit.
It's a 100% participatory, 100% accepting, 100% free, 100% non-institutional, 100% non-competitive environment where people can come - to be and to become "well".

Often, a student or staffer is playing instrumental music inside the tent next to "The Well" - an artistically-represented hole into which anybody can drop a wish, a prayer, a poem, a thought written on slips of paper that are provided. People can reach into the well and pull out the slips and read them, and put them back in.... for inspiration, for solidarity with the feelings and expressions of others.

Inside the tent, people sit on bean bags and there are warm blankets to sit under when its cold out.

During flu season, wheat-grass loaded juices are given away for free. Perhaps, with an accompanying flu shot even!

Sometimes with advanced notice, people can use the Well to hold select meetings: writing groups, student therapy session, prayer circles, anything that is contingent on utilizing the positive energy given off at the Well.

Herbal teas and other drinks are offered for free in the tent.

There are yoga mats on the pavement under the tent, and visitors - students, staff, professors, doctors, patients - come by to do yoga positions or just meditate for as long as they want. As well as having yoga mats, there are yoga balls scattered around for those that want awakening deep back stretches.

Sometimes, there are tables with materials for doing artwork - drawing, or calligraphy, or sculpture.

Sometimes, there are masseuses and massage tables inside the tent - offering massages for free.

Sometimes, there are cooking demonstrations about how harried health science students can make healthy, tasty, quick meals. With tastings, of course!

There is a computer in the tent that enables visitors to download onto their IPods special music, guided meditations, etc, for mellowing out their day.

Sometimes free manicures and pedicures and makeovers are offered in the tent.

Sometimes there are fencing, aikido, or tae kwon do lessons offered in the tent.

Sometimes there are free tango and salsa dance lessons happening in the tent.

Often, people are giving away stuff and offering their talents for free in The Well - nothing is bought or sold in it.... it's a place to freely give and receive.

It's a place for spontaneous sharing, serendipitous conviviality, and random acts of kindness and senseless beauty.

May all beings at USC/HSC be well!